Hi All,I wanted to give you all an update as to where i've been and what i've been doing. Here goes:In July I had surgery to correct a problem I have been dealing with for the last 20 years. Ive been told that it is one of the most painful surgeries one can endure. Obviously I took pain medication for this and tried like hell not to get physically addicted to them. I made the grave mistake of not informing my surgeon of my past history with opiates. After being on the medication for over two weeks I got addicted once again and after the prescriptions ran out I turned back to what I knew best: heroin. It took me to places i havent been to since the late 90's. My wife caught on to what I was doing and asked me to leave. I wound up getting an apartment near by and tried to maintain so semblance of a normal life. I failed and in September left NY to go to Michigan to continue getting high. I turned into the old junkie Eric who I vowed never to be again. In the next two months I went through thousands of dollars, sold personal belongings that I held very dear to me, abandoned my family and came near death too many times to count. I tried detoxing myself three different times and failed each time. The last time I tried I was staying with an old friend who works at Tranquility Detox. I was broke, had no family support and was desperate to get back to NY. I knew if I kept going it was either death or jail. My friend told me he could get me in to Tranquility for free so told him to see what he could do. He called Richie Almstead, who ive known for many years and was told that they he had to get approval from Per Wickstrom. I know this is fucked up and disappointing to many of you but I wanted to live and in my state thought it was the only option. By the grace of God i gave it one last shot to call my family and wife and try to arrange treatment at a reputable facility. They heard the desperation in my voice and told me to get in my car and drive to NY immediately. I borrowed enough gas money from another friend and got the fuck out of there. I drove sick as hell to NY and enrolled into a place called Tully Hill. It's a 12 step program.My time at TH was literally the best thing that ever happened to me. I had never been to a 12 step program and the only "treatment" I ever got was via Narconon. I got scientifically backed treatment via licensed counselors for the first time in my life. It didnt cost $30k, I didnt have to spend 3 plus months there, no one lied to me and told me it was something it wasnt, i was treated with respect and I didnt have to sweat 5 hours a day, do countless hours of amends, overts, withholds, conditions, etc. I started 12 simple steps thought up by two guys who were admitted drunks. I realized I am powerless over drugs and alcohol and that I do have a terrible disease. Im not all powerful and I dont buy into the revolving door Narconon puts into their program,"dont drink to excess." I despise Narconon and the "church" even more now than I ever did as I am armed with actual truth about addiction from real doctors, real therapists and real counselors. What gives me more hope about the future and my sobriety is the huge numbers of people I have met at meeting who have decades of sobriety who live happy, healthy and productive lives. I was discharged today as a successful completion of the program at TH and have NEVER felt better. Im still apart from my family, I have no job yet, have very limited money,etc but that doesnt worry me as it would have before. I am amazed at this but I learned a simple thing while there: you cant control every little thing and some times you have to ask for help. I prayed for the first time in 32 years while there and can tell you they were answered plus some. Anyone reading this who knows me can tell you I didnt believe in God or a Higher Power. No longer. I cant and wont deny the miracles and protection I was granted more than once in this tragedy turned triumph.Id like to apologize to a few of you personally as I know Per Wickstrom started to gloat a bit about my mistake and i heard how concerned and upset you were in the voicemails you left me. I plan to make amends by being more active on this site and will work with any media, legal team or family that needs my experience, strength and hope. To Per and Narconon: Your days are numbered.
Do what you can to help here but keep taking care of yourself first
"Id like to apologize to a few of you personally as I know Per Wickstrom started to gloat a bit about my mistake and i heard how concerned and upset you were in the voicemails you left me. I plan to make amends by being more active on this site and will work with any media, legal team or family that needs my experience, strength and hope"I'm not one you would even know or need to apologize to but I feel like I need to state how I feel and I do believe I am speaking for more than just myself when I state these words. Concern and upset for a person goes pretty deep in most of these online communities and has nothing to do with the need for an apology, but a need to ensure that a person who they have developed some sort of affinity for, even an online affinity, appears to be making choices that would be harmful to himself. Making amends is something that Scientology has turned into a dirty word in my mind because it dehumanizes you more than it should. I think Scientology has dehumanized their entire culture to a point that it truly shocks anyone who has been exposed to them when they realize that there is a vein of compassion running through the responses and comments people make to people on these forums and that the people who look at what you do and say are not judging your actions, but rather worrying that your actions will cause you and those you love harm.Any Scientology "treatment" messes with your mind, it's hard to sort what you learned from Scientology with the truth. You have done a world of good by coming forward and telling the truth and by accepting treatment. I know lots of addicts, one in particular who has been in jail since 5/15/2013, who still blames everyone else for his predicament ("I was set up, etc.) and won't fix the problem.My husband got hearing aids yesterday because of a comment he made to me which made him realize he had a problem. He said. "Your sense of smell is not the same as it used to be, you miss so much." I said "Yes, and I've done everything medically I can to try to correct it. Your sense of hearing is not what it was and all you do is deny it's broken." Admitting you have a problem and then working to get it fixed is the best step you can possibly take. Thank you for letting us know you are human. Thank you for being brave enough to take the steps to heal. Please continue healing.
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Topic: 10oriocookies (Read 8790 times)